Having regrets is not something I used to have a belief in. I was of the firm opinion that at one stage in your life, you wanted to do something and that is exactly what you did. Later on, when it caught up to you, you may feel it was a mistake but I would never have used the term regret. You’ll notice my use of the past tense here.
It has taken me a little over a week to form the words together that were required to convey the thought and the emotion in this topic. I have made decisions, quite recently that have led me to have many regrets. Situations I wish I had not found myself in, coupled with actions I wish I could reverse. Sadly, this is not a Back to the Future film and I do not have a handy device in car form to assist. I cannot go back in time and undo the damage done or unsay the words said. That isn’t how life works. I have come to realise in the past few weeks, that you only truly feel the emotion behind a regret once the incident is a few days past you. Hence my hesitancy in writing this.
Yesterday, I had my list of goals in front of me. I questioned every single one of them, including this blog. I crossed all 6 of them off my page, went away, cried a few tears and came back to them. Would you like to know what I found? I found a young girl with dreams and hope and belief in herself. Someone I thought I had lost to the world a long time ago.
I am not the same person I was yesterday nor am I the same person that will wake up in the morning, but I am no longer afraid to admit this. I am no longer afraid to admit that I make mistakes, that I have regrets. So here comes my seventh goal to add to my list. The seventh point that technically should be moved to number 1:
7. I am going to learn to love who I am as a human being, to see myself how others see me. I will stop living in the past and focus on me as a person. I am going to be happy.